Lies
by Lady Azura
Summary: She could lie to the rest of the world, but she could never lie to herself.


Summary: _She could lie to the rest of the world, but she could never lie to herself._

Disclaimer: Don't own _Degrassi_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: This popped into my head around the same time as "Rain" so… it's not going to be particularly happy.

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**Lies****  
><strong>_**By: Lady Azura**_

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_He walked away._

After she finishes screaming at him, he doesn't turn around; he doesn't sneer, or yell back at her, or even _face_ her — he simply walks away, without a word, and all she can do is stand there as her entire world comes crashing down. Her throat hurts from shouting and her eyes burn with tears, and it isn't long before her knees threaten to buckle and a choked sob leaves her lips, but before she hits the floor a strong arm catches her. Soon she's being led out of the building and to a familiar truck parked just outside.

The ride to her house is mostly silent, save for her sniffles as she tries to make herself stop crying — but her efforts are futile. Her heart hurts too much.

When they reach their destination, Jake helps her inside and they go up to her room. She's thankful that her parents aren't home, and buries her face in his shoulder as he does his best to comfort her.

"It'll be fine," he assures her, rubbing her back.

But it won't be.

Clare knows that she'll never be okay with Eli hating her. She'll never be okay with him pretending like there was never anything between them. She'll never be okay with seeing him with that other girl — seeing them at _their_ bench, acting all lovey-dovey and holding hands while _her_ heart breaks more and more because she's not the one making him happy. She's not the one he loves, and she knows he's never going to again, not after what she did.

She deserves to be heartbroken, she realizes, as more tears threaten to spill — but she quickly blinks them away, shaking her head.

"Jake," she looks up at her childhood friend, her voice is raspy from crying so much, "thank you."

Jake nods, opening his mouth to say something, but before he can she leans up and captures his lips with hers.

.

.

.

The next half hour is a blur to Clare, with clothes being shed and kisses growing more heated until finally, she's naked. She's naked and she's lying under Jake, her _friend_, as he settles between her legs, and when he looks into her eyes, she feigns certainty. She assures him that she wants this, with a nod and another kiss, while her chest tightens under the pressure of her lies.

A sharp, searing pain ripples throughout her body when he pushes into her for the first time and she bites her lip to stifle her scream, digging her nails into his back. Jake moves slowly, gently, easing her into it and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He's the ideal lover, and she knows that any girl would be lucky to have him as their first — but she doesn't want Jake. She wishes it was someone else hovering over her; someone with darker hair and a thinner build and intense green eyes that would lock on hers and never look away.

Tears begin to stream down her cheeks and she knows that Jake assumes it's because she's a virgin (or was) — he has no idea that her heart is screaming for someone else.

After a few minutes, Jake goes still, shuddering against her before pulling out.

They lay quietly for a while, until Jake's phone goes off and he sits up to read the message.

"It's my dad," he informs her. "I should probably go… will you be okay?"

She nods. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you."

"Did I… did I hurt you?" He asks, concern etched across his face.

"A little, but… it got better." She tells him, forcing a smile.

Jake believes her, and kisses her on the cheek before getting dressed. He gives her one last smile before leaving her room and making his way out of the house. She waits until she hears his truck pull out of the driveway and disappear down the road before rolling onto her side.

She feels empty, and the silver band around her finger mocks her, reminding her of what she had just given up.

Curling into a ball, she squeezes her eyes shut, holding back tears.

Maybe she could move on, she tries desperately to convince herself.

With Jake.

Jake was good. Jake was kind. Jake was handsome and popular and perfect.

_But not Eli._ A cruel voice echoes in the back of her mind.

"I don't need Eli," she mutters. "If he can forget me… then I can forget him."

But her heart tells her otherwise, and deep down while she knows she can lie to the rest of the world — lie to Alli, lie to Jake, lie to Eli and her parents and Adam and everyone else — she will never be able to lie to herself.

No matter how hard she tries.

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**FIN**

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**That was… yeah. I have no idea what to say about this. I really, really hope that it doesn't turn out this way. I can't handle the thought of Clare losing her virginity to anyone but Eli, especially if she ends up regretting it.**

** Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed, even though it's not exactly happy.**

** Please ****REVIEW**** and tell me what you think!**


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